There ıs nothıng more erotıc than a good conversatıon – unknown
The other day I came upon a clip from one of my favorites movies, Before Sunrise. Simple premise really. A guy and a girl meet on the train and agree to spend a day together. The entire film is the two of them, walking around and just… talking.
I remember seeing the sequel on a date. Captivating as it was to me, a complete torture it was to him. He endlessly complained about the film being overtaken by dialogue. “Nothing ever happens,” he exclaimed helplessly. Well, this is precisely why our first date was also our last.
He had completely missed the point. The “action“ he was looking for, the drama, was all underneath the dialogue. Like a beautiful fugue, two characters singing two different melodies, following one and other under one theme, with episodes of conversation taking them up and down the emotional octave, when all the while, harmonizing them into one.
Just like chivalry, the delicate art of conversation is dying. As our new language is emoji, our dating platform is online and our first dates are on our phones, it is no wonder.
In his hilariously frightening book Modern Romance, Aziz Ansari talks about an experiment he conducted. A selected group representing the age bracket of our generation is asked to bring their parents to the study. Then they are separated and told to wait. A few minutes later, a chipper chatter erupts from the old generation group while the younger generation is completely mute. You can guess why. Because while the parents introduced themselves and began a conversation with each other, every single person on the other side is stared at their phones. Instead of socializing with strangers in the flesh, they chose to connect with thousands of strangers on social media.
Being a good conversationalist is a skill and at the age of selfies, it’s a ra rare one. Because ultimately, the foundation of a good conversation is curiosity – beyond ourselves.
Curiosity about the world around us, which leads to an open mind and consequently to an open ear.
Curiosity about the person we’re speaking to, which leads to questions rather than self-satisfied monologues about ourselves.
Curiosity about things we do not know, which leads us to say, “tell me more,” rather than letting our egos interrupt the flow of conversation in the name of preserving the image on our facebook profile.
My friends ask me sometimes what I’m looking for in a man. My answer always starts the same way, “Above all, a good conversation.” The curiosity I mentioned before is in the end, a sign of a good character.
To admit we don’t know everything takes confidence. To have a discussion with a point of view that is different from ours takes intellect and versatility. The ability to sense the vibe of the person and to read their body language takes good instincts and tells of a deep inner life. To make someone feel heard and understood takes empathy and a lot of heart. A good character and a deep interest in life itself allows one to surf through the waves of various topics and emotions, Wisdom allows one to recognize that that wave is actually the ocean itself.
Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation. – Oscar wilde